"Coward"

Put words in my mouth,
Make me the enemy,
'cause I tried to be,
who you wanted me to be.

And now it seems,
that was wasted energy,
'cause you just leave.
And now you hate me.

It's always about you,
It was never me, the victim,
I had to tiptoe around,
all your quirks and scars.

And I tried,
I wanted you,
I wanted the life we had.
The life we could have had.

Now you hide,
behind typed text,
you fucking coward.
Hide behind your mask.

I'm not afraid of you,
or your friends.
I haven't done anything,
wrong.

You made me up,
who you think I am.
I am not a bad guy.
I'm getting victimized.

Shit on me some more.
Because I wasn't good enough.
I wasn't asking you
to come back.

I was trying,
to be your friend.
Just a simple,
"Want to go?"

Not an "I want you back."
No, "Oh, please don't go,"
I would only get lost,
If I chased after you.

Yet somehow,
I'm still the villain.
The sex never mattered.
No matter what you think.

At least I have the dignity.
Not to shit all over you,
for hurting me.
At least I can forgive you for it.

-Matt

"Fight Me"

I’m on a forward bound train,
Going nowhere,
And there you are.
Once again.
Inside my dreams.
(Why won’t you leave?
You don’t want me.)
I reach my hand to touch,
Your golden hair.
I pull you close to me,
Feel the smoothness of your cheek,
Feel the power of those,
Blue, blue eyes.
And you say to me:
“I’ve decided to stop,
Fighting you.”
This won’t do.
“Fight me,”
And our lips meet.
Then I wake up.
The room is filled with sun.
And I just want to run.
Drive so far away,
You never have to see my face.
Maybe then,
We can forget.

-I think this one sucks.

"Little Dancer"

Little dancer,
moves so smooth,
limbs twist and wind,
so gently.

I watch your face,
as you get lost,
the music carries you off,
makes you fly.

Lips curve in a smile,
Eyes closed,
you let your body sing,
let your heart breathe.

You're beautiful, you are,
And I never saw you,
never saw you as your scars,
I see a little dancer.

Little dancer,
Oh, let your heart sing,
and I'll hear it in my dreams,
and see you moving.
I'm always dreaming...

-I've been wanting to write this poem for a long time. Like, months. But every time the thought came, it was soon forgotten. But I got it down this time. And this is what came out. I like it. I want to make it a song. That's kind of the way I wrote it, so I could.

Oh, and here's a drawing I did today:

"Spin"

Spin round,
Stop again,
and I can't forget you,
and everything you are.
But these scenes and memories,
they just won't leave.
Oh, won't you stay?
I find it hard to believe.
Maybe one day,
You'll realize what you lost.
'cause baby, I'm the best you got.
Or so it seems.
And I know you're afraid,
but we can't give up today.
Don't give up,
you could lose it all.
Everything you want.

-My writing's still shitty. Oh, fuck damnit.

"All The Same" by the Sick Puppies

"One More Time"

He shakes and shivers,
As the dust around him settles,
Shaken, broken,
He stands, alive.

Full of lust,
But looking for love,
He’s afraid to give his all,
One more time.

He tried so hard,
To help her love herself,
But she’s still a scared,
Sad and angry little girl.

She catches fire,
Leaving her naked frame,
In fear and spite.
As he clings to a shred of hope.

She just won’t leave him,
And her smile struck,
Bewilderment,
My god, she’s gorgeous.

Maybe he was brave,
Or just plain foolish,
To stand up to her fury,
But he raised his voice.

Begged to be heard out,
Despite all his doubts.
But what did it help?
Just made it worse.

-I fuck everything up. I really don't want to. I'll probably always be a self-pitying idiot. I don't really want to be.

I don't know what to title this particular entry.

But I wrote a song tonight. No lyrics. It doesn't need any, I think. It speaks far better, than I ever could. I played it for an audience of stars. I played it for her as well. I don't know if she heard it or not. Maybe I'll put lyrics to it someday. But for now, I'll let it sing for itself. That's the way it should be, I think.

-Matt

"Foot In Mouth Syndrome"

Guitar pick in his teeth,
he gazes at a sheet,
of line white paper,
scribbling words, occasionally.

His heart races,
head starts to swim,
his guilt won't leave him,
wishing he could stop the fight.

But no matter what,
he manages to piss her off.
She's on a tear again,
tearing up her memories of him.

He's slowly giving up,
wants to be done making assumptions,
no more allegations,
'cause all the blame's on him.

And his stupidity.
Wasn't thinking clearly,
now it bites him in the ass,
as he swallows his shoes.

Even if she wanted to try,
all the wounds wouldn't be undone,
they can only attempt,
to forgive and start again.

Or sever the bond,
break the connection,
fall to pieces...
and come back...
together again...

-This poem's pretty much about how much I hate having the uncanny knack for saying stupid shit. Especially when I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. You know, I'm going to destroy that damnable tendency. I will grind it into the ground if I can.

I'm pretty angry with myself. If you haven't noticed.

"The Surprise"

He pulled into her drive way just as dusk fell. Turned the engine off, paused his mp3 player, and exited the vehicle. He moved swiftly through the coming dark, up the step in front of the kitchen window, to the front door. He knocked as loud as he could, to be heard over the music in the kitchen. It paused. He heard footsteps coming to the door. It opened. A girl stood on the threshold. Captivating, and beautiful, she stood, surprise marked her face.
“Hi…” she said.
“I have something to show you.”
She stood, not quite comprehending. “Okay…where?”
“Put your shoes on and I’ll show you,” he smiled.
She slowly put on her shoes and returned to the threshold of the doorway. He grabbed her wrist and half pulled, half led her to his car. “Where are we going?” A hint of unease trailed on her voice.
“I already told you, I have something to show you. Don’t worry about it,” he smiled as wide as he could as he started the car.
He drove for slightly over an hour, arriving in a town only somewhat familiar to him. He’d been there once with her before. Under the stars, they had kissed. Lovers, chasing one another in the dark. The sun had just nestled behind the mountains, tucked in for sleep.
He parked and they disembarked from the station wagon. “Come with me,” he said.
“Okay.”
She followed. “Remember the night we came out here with your aunt and uncle?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“Remember how the stars were all out, and it was just the two of us in the middle of that soccer field?”
“Yes.”
“Well, last time, there wasn’t a meteor shower,” he paused and moved his gaze from her eyes, to the sky. “Look,” he said gently.
Streaks of silver arced across the indigo sky above them. First a few, then more, and more. It appeared as if the heavens were falling to the earth. Still, more and more silvery strands lined the night sky above them.
“I love meteor showers,” she whispered. He watched her, bemused. Imbued with joy, seeing her features light up. Her wonderful eyes sparkled like diamonds. Then she turned to him, and collapsed into his arms. He stroked her soft, golden hair. “This is amazing…”
He touched her cheek, lifting her gaze. He looked long and deep into her turquoise irises. He was reminded of all the time they had spent together. Passion welled in him, and overflowed. He kissed her. He summoned all the passion and love for the girl in his arms he could, and put it into the single, simple act. Wishing for nothing more than for time to stop. For this kiss to last and last.
She stood, kissing him back. Melting in his embrace. Safety washed over her. She leaned further and further into him, as if to meld with his being. She remembered the first time he had kissed her. Her surprise, as his lips quickly grazed hers. Not a lustful, forceful kiss. But an honest, careful one. She remembered admiring his boldness. Now, she fell yet more in love with this boy.

-Jesus, I've done a ton of writing tonight. Well, this has been a ton for me...This and the most recent three poems.

"Queen of Swords"

I locked blades with the Queen of Swords,
But this battle isn't over.
We collapse, exhausted, on the killing field.
I watch as you limp away.
Expecting to be cut down, the taste of steel.
Wishing for embrace.
I don't want to fight you anymore.
Lay down my weapons, clattering.
Fall to my knees, unable to support,
The weight of my heavy heart.

I know I can't take them back,
the words that I've said.
Thrust, parry, locked in combat.
But I don't want to say them anymore.

-I'm no knight.

"Burning"

I've got these words,
that I want to say,
just sitting, burning in my brain.
But what good will they do?
Would you believe me if I told you?
Would they change anything at all?
The cards have been stacked up, and begin to fall.

You never thought I listened.
So why would you listen to me now?
I want to save this, and I think I know how.
But I'm not so sure you'd want to try.
To try and work to keep it alive.
You make me believe you're more apt to run away,
Than to try to change yourself, and stay.
"People change," you said to me.
But it seems, I've done all the changing.
Adapting, molding, to slide into your curves.
Yet you remain concrete, budging only slightly, not a stir.

-Matt

"Past, Present, Future"

You can't keep living in the past,
'cause it could come back,
and wake you in the night,
shivering, cold and scared.

Like those days in Middle School,
when the girls would tease you,
and the older boys would look,
up and down your frame with lust in their eyes.

Oh, you can't keep believing in days,
when your heart was smashed,
and good friends have gone away,
'cause here you have a boy,
who loves you, but he's not perfect.

And there might be some future there,
but are you too afraid to try?
he could be everything you want,
but it might just take some time.

He stands, willing and ready,
to change, to chisel away.
To take bad and good, be satisfied,
with just being in love.

-Matt

Yes.

I am completely obsessed with this song right now...

"Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls

Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees

A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer

And there's no time left for losin'
When you stand they fall

Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder

All because I'm
Comin' down the years turn over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go and lead you home and
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me

(lyrics courtesy of www.sing365.com)

-Yeah.

"Alright"

Let it rain,
for forty days,
until the mountains
have been washed away,

I can see my breath,
in the pale moonlight,
and the world is wet,
from all the rain...

And I look at the moon,
She says to me:
"It'll be alright, my child.
It'll be alright."

I felt the earth spin,
then I was back again.
But it all seemed so surreal,
like I'm standing and dreaming.

I'd rather fight the sunrise,
but my body aches,
and my eyes are tired.
Sleep is calling me.

But should I dream,
It'd be of you,
my angel with battered,
broken, black wings.

-I just noticed how this one had a sort of wave pattern to the stanzas. The lines start short, are longest in the middle, then return to about the same length at the end. I thought that was pretty nifty.

"Tiny Bird"

As you spread your wings, tiny bird,
Do you think about returning?
Talons release your perch,
You take flight into capricious winds.

On the ground, there watches a boy,
He sees you take to the sky,
Mesmerized by the sun,
Glinting off your ebon wings.

In a breeze, whispering through the trees,
His words are carried away,
As he blows a kiss into the wind.
Fly safe, tiny bird, find your way home.


-Matt